I’ve always been the responsible one, the empathetic one, the one that gets on with her work, the one that organises the group, the one that people come to vent their problems …
I was proud of that, I thrived in that .. until I didn’t.
Maybe it was becoming a mother, maybe it was a business that’s growing, maybe it’s just the closer and closer I got to my 30s, the fewer fucks I gave?
But I’ve really reached this point where I’m finally getting a little more “go”. I’m not carrying around the world on my shoulders with a smile of pride on my face; I no longer glorify the struggle or feel more worthy for sacrificing myself the most.
All women, but especially driven, ambitious, big-picture women like me, tend to pride ourselves and derive some twisted sense of self-worth from having it all under control, from being able to fix all the problems and never asking for help along the way.
But the truth is, we have a lot of support waiting for us to let it in and help us through it all. Angles, guides, friends, family, teams etc … all want to help us; they all want to be let in. But sometimes we are scared to let the world on our shoulders go, we don’t want to set it down and let someone else help us carry it .. because if we did, who would we be without that baggage, without that struggle, without that hyper independence.
Vulnerability is an incredibly strong sign of strength, which the universe LOVES and rewards.
It’s OK to open up, surrender and hand over some of the baggage to someone else….
Here are some of the ways I’ve allowed myself to be supported and receive help.
* I hired a cleaner. It became a no-brainer when I calculated the time it took me to clean my home every week vs the money I make in my business for those same hours. But it also benefited my mental health a lot and our family dynamic, as I wasn’t as exhausted and grumpy when the kids make a mess because I hadn’t been slaving to clean all day prior.
* Outsourced my Facebook ads and online strategies to someone who has the time and passion for it.
*Been a bit more vulnerable with my husband. I allowed him to support me in things, asked for help when I needed it, told him exactly what I needed, physically, emotionally, etc allowed myself not to be OK all the time.
* Embraced the “Give a man to fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for life” ideology grows my sexy selfish team, working with my amazing assistant Katrina and releasing a bit of creative control, hiring a social media manager and ad team.
*Booked the kids into daycare when I need it and when they need it too. Without shame, without guilt, without making it mean something, it doesn’t. Daycare benefits ALL OF US.Therapy to unpack and unload the 20 years of anxiety and eating disorder … hell, no way I’m carrying that baggage around for another 20 years.*
Remember this … no one wins the award at the end of the line for “doing it all themselves”.
It’s ok not to be ok.
It’s ok to prioritise some things more than others, even if some things might go against the grain.
It’s ok to ask for help.
It’s ok to be helped.
It’s ok to say, “I need this”.
It’s ok to clock off.
It’s ok to rest, even if you feel like you haven’t “earned it”.
You don’t need my permission, not really, and yet some of us are still holding out breaths, waiting for it, so I’m going to give it to you if only to release you from your own self-imposed independence.
It’s time to let yourself be vulnerable, embrace your softness, all the parts of you, and be ok with not “doing it all”.
I love you, you wonderful imperfect perfect human
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